It’s amazing how quickly this summer has flown by and it wasn’t until today, with the leaves crunching under my feet as I took Bee out to car for another day or daycare, that I realized it was going to be freezing again soon and summer was officially gone.
The last month has been something of a whirlwind with Ryan back in full swing, teaching a class and coming home with plans to draw out for new sets for shows coming up this fall and me taking care of Bee, working at any free moment, and for the greater part of the past month, being quite ill with pneumonia. It started out as a weird summer death cold that I thought came from Bee’s daycare germ extravaganza and developed into something much worse. I really thought I was going to die for a few days and that is no exaggeration. Each time I took a breath it felt a bit like I was drowning. Scary stuff, but luckily, I was the one of us to get something so serious and now that it’s gone, I’m thankful and trying like crazy to get my energy levels back up to where they were before it. Every winter I get something awful but this took the cake; hopefully this is all I will have to deal with before the buds come in spring although something tells me that’s not likely—for any of us.
Bee started daycare about a month and a half ago and it’s brought about a few noteworthy changes in her personality and our lives in general. I’ve been able to get more work done and have a break, thus no longer feel like 100% of my life is consumed by baby (something I’ve had a love and hate relationship with from day one anyway) but on the other hand, I feel like I am missing something when she’s not here and feel guilty (I know, I shouldn’t and people think I’m crazy when I say it) that I dropped her off somewhere, even if it’s a pretty decent place and she’s getting exposure to kids her age. Instead of her, it seems it’s me that is suffering from an abandonment complex in some weird subverted way. I suppose it’s this that the ladies at her daycare picked up on when they said for her whole first week, “it’s okay, clearly this is your first child”…
The first day I took her she screamed and cried and I left in tears. In fact, the first day I went to tour the place and saw all of the art on the walls and evidence of projects done by tiny hands I felt inexplicably sad and my stupid nose got all runny. I seriously thought I was going to break down in front of the director. I knew that Bee was going to be doing fun things, but they would be fun things without me and she would be learning each day; but nothing she learned would be things I taught her. People close to me have remarked on this “control freak” aspect of my personality with her but I can’t help it. I want her to grow up with a balanced perspective but have trouble letting go enough for her gain one. Lately, as the concept of daycare is becoming more familiar to both of us and I see how happy she is when she sees her friends and teachers on most days (some she still has a meltdown) I’m cool with it and come home, make coffee, and am able to, guilt free, sit down on the porch and take a few minutes of me time before I start working.
She will be 2 in November and therefore, we can expect even more of a manifestation of the notorious “terrible twos” people keep insinuating will happen, even to our sweet girl. We’re beginning to see traces of this emerge and she’s picked up some rather nasty little habits at daycare including, but not limited to the following:
- Picking her nose. Often.
- Picking her nose, being told to stop it, and then glaring at me before commencing to picking her nose anyway.
- The addition to her vocabulary “It’s mine!” which is often applied to things that are not, in fact hers, usually my cell phone, any glass she manages to pull off the counter, and Ryan’s glasses that she whips off of his face in a delighted flash.
- Tantrums that include a scream with a pitch approximately that of a dog whistle.
- The refusal to eat anything, for the most part, outside of cheese and pasta.
- A daily demand, at least once per day, of “ice cream with Daddy” which is her favorite pastime and that does not cease when she knows Daddy is busy and the freezer is depleted of its ice cream supply.
- Being done with what little food she will eat, she dumps her plate or bowl on the floor as she pushes it away, and then stands up in her high chair and refuses to bend her legs as we try to make her sit down again.
There are others, of course, but these are by far the most prevalent, this week anyway. Who knows what next week will bring. Still, she is learning many positive things and her vocabulary has improved even more and she’s added new songs to her repertoire, including ones I’ve never heard. She’ll start singing them and look a little pissed at me for not knowing them. With these things in mind, I thought I’d post a picture of her with a devlish look on her face in a shirt her Aunt Lisa (thank you!) got for her 😉
I’ve been rather bad at updating lately but hopefully I can stick with it now that I have a bit more time to do so with her being gone a few days of the week. It’s just been a busy summer with being between here and Columbus and then getting settled back in. Being sick was rather unpleasant and we also had to confront the loss of my dear cousin Angie who lost her battle with cystic fibrosis in August. I wish Bee could have grown up knowing her and having her sharp wit to giggle at and her great personality to admire. She will be missed by all of us but I am glad she is no longer in any pain.
If anyone who reads my blog regularly would like to contribute to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, it’s a wonderful organization and has helped fund research that extended Angie’s life expectancy from her teens well into her twenties. They have some non-traditional and excellent donation options and if you don’t know anything about the disease, it’s a good place to learn.
Here is a link… http://www.cff.org/Gifts/